Let Go and Let Live
by TheMostExcellent
Summary: [Short Story] Jiraiya was content with the life that he’s lived. But everyone has a wish that could transform contentment into happiness. Even him. TsunadexJiraiya
1. Heaven on Earth

"Well, I guess I'll be on my way now."

Tsunade sighed. She did not dare look at him yet even though she felt the bench creak when he stood up. His tall, broad stature had cast a shadow in front of her which swallowed the amber glow that the sunset had cast on the ground.

One would think that she could not be bothered anymore. She had lost too many precious people in her life. She could acknowledge that the loss was easier to accept the next time around - she even anticipated it - but the pain was always the same.

"Come back alive," the blonde Hokage weakly pleaded, her honey eyes still cast to the ground. "If I were to lose you too, I would..."

"You'd cry for me?" the white-haired Sannin teased. "I'm so honored!"

Tsunade felt her chest tighten. _The damn fool. _He was always making light of matters that he shouldn't.

"Well, then let's have a gamble shall we?"

Her head snapped to his direction, her eyes wide and her breath still as she waited fearfully for him to utter the words that she was sure he was going to say.

"You should bet that I'm gonna die. Then, if I come back alive..."

Seeing his teammate's face, Jiraiya gave a nervous laugh.

"I'm just joking! I'm joking!"

The prominent lines that had creased his face quickly softened as his mirth faded and he felt the need to reassure her. "I'm really grateful to you."

A weirdly uncomfortable sort of warmth enveloped Tsunade's heart at the white-haired Sannin's words. They touched her deeply, but she also did not deserve them. The man cared for her so much despite knowing that she was too attached to the past to even consider reciprocating his feelings. What right did she have to ask him to come back to her? Tsundade swallowed, burying the gnawing guilt, as she had numerous times, before she could think too much into it.

"Stop trying to act so cool," Tsunade scoffed playfully. "If I wasn't around, there would be no one to dump your ass"

"So true," Jiraiya assented light-heartedly.

A heavy silence passed between them.

The blonde's fingers gripped tightly on the cloth of her forest green robe. "If anything happens, use your toads to let me know. I'll get there immediately."

"There's no need for that," Jiraiya dismissed. "You need to stay in the village."

She gave a small nod, almost imperceptible, as she felt the familiar loss of control that always foreshadowed an end in her life. Her limbs already felt weightless, like the fallen leaves that were so light, they had no choice but to be carried by the whims of the wind.

"Well, I'll be heading out now," Jiraiya said as he picked up his large sealing scroll and slung it over his back. "I have one last warning for you. Beware of Root."

"Yeah," the blonde replied almost inaudibly. "I know."

"See you around."

Tsunade watched Jiraiya's figure turn into a silhouette the farther that he went until he disappeared into the blazing horizon. Only then did she let the tears that filled her honey eyes finally fall.

—/—

"Hang on, Dan," Tsunade pleaded desperately. "You're gonna be okay."

"Tsunade," her lover whispered weakly, his ragged breathing indicating his fast decline. "I don't - I don't want to die yet. There - are so many - things - I have to do."

"Stop trying to talk!"

The glow of the blonde's hands grew brighter as she gritted her teeth and pushed more of her chakra into his system. _Her Dan. _He couldn't die. He still had to be Hokage -

Her vision blurred as tears pooled in her eyes.

She was the most powerful medic-nin there was. _He couldn't die. _

The tears streamed down her cheeks and were washed away by the droplets of rain that fell relentlessly upon them.

"I can't die. N-not yet, not- like this."

Tsunade gasped as the voice that begged her changed into that of another important person in her life. When she looked up from the wound she was healing, it was not Dan's verdant eyes that she saw but Jiraiya's obsidian ones.

"J-Jiraiya?"

The glow of Tsunade's hands dimmed as shock paralyzed her and she lost concentration. _Where was Dan? Where were they? Dan was there seconds ago and they were in a battlefield. _But they were still in the battlefield, except Dan was nowhere to be found and it was her teammate who was dying.

The white-haired man's lips twitched in an attempt to smile but he only ended up coughing violently and sputtering blood.

The blonde shook her head, as if to wake herself up, and refocused her chakra on his wound. "I've almost stopped the bleeding!"

Jiraiya's lids flickered as he fought to keep his consciousness. "That's good..."

"Stay awake!"

The toad Sage fought against the pull of death but his limbs were already heavy and every breath he took felt borrowed. When he closed his eyes for the last time, Tsunade's shot wide open. Panting, her hands gripped the sheets of her bed tightly and beads of sweat careened down the side of her face.

It was just a dream._ A nightmare_. The Hokage scanned her room for signs of anything amiss, but her quiet abode was the same as it had been before she fell asleep.

It had been years since she had such a vivid dream about Dan and even longer since she had dreamt of Jiraiya. Her mind automatically replayed the vignette of his recent departure, of his shadows fading into nothingness. She could not say it out loud, she_ dared not_ manifest her thoughts, but she had a really bad feeling that he was not coming back.

But what was so different this time around? They had parted ways before and there had always been the chance that that would have been the last time. That was the life of shinobi.

_No_, it was different this time because she had seen the look in his eyes. It was so brief that even a skilled shinobi would have missed it. But she knew him.

He had bid her his good-bye.

—/—

Jiraiya was used to failure.

He had failed in winning over the only woman he had loved in his life.

He had failed in saving his old friend.

He had failed in defeating Pain.

The only thing that propelled him to cheat death, even for just a minute, was his desire to do something right for once.

He smiled weakly as his finger etched his last message on Fukasaku's back. It was his last deed and he hoped he had saved the world.

_9, 3, 8,106, 7, 207, 15_

_—/—_

The toad Sage's lips curved up as he opened his eyes to the blessing that awaited him in the afterlife.

Her golden eyes looked at him with such warmth and her hand caressed his face so gently that he knew everything he had suffered in his humanity had been worth it.

"Tsunade..."

The blonde enveloped him in an embrace so suddenly and so passionately that he had to chuckle. He wrapped his left arm around her waist and ran his right hand from her soft locks down to her back in a way that he had dreamt of doing for so long. Everything felt right and even though he knew he had earned it, he still could not believe that he was finally holding her like this.

But wait...

If she was here with him, then that meant...

"What happened?! How did you die?!"

Tsunade immediately pulled back and flashed him an irritated look. "What are you talking about fool?"

"How are you here?" the white-haired Sannin demanded in alarm. "I sent a message - Oh man, figures I was too late. Pain must have already been moving -

"What the hell are you yammering on about?!"

"I -

Jiraiya took a good look around for the first time since he had woken up. White walls, white sheets, white curtains...

He was in a hospital. _Oh_.

He wasn't dead.

"But how - how am I alive?"

Tsunade crossed her arms and turned her head away. "You shouldn't be."

"You're lucky that I followed your ass to Ame. When I got there, you were already battling Pain."

The blonde walked over to the window as Jiraiya processed what she had recounted.

"We barely escaped as it was," Tsunade went on, her voice passive and her gaze seemingly focused on the people passing by outside but her mind was disconnected from what she was seeing. "I had to summon Katsuyu to keep you alive while I found a safe place for us to seek shelter. It took me almost a day to heal you completely."

Jiraiya stared at the woman he loved, willing for her to look his way, but she didn't.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?!" the blonde demanded as she whipped her head towards him with an angry glare. "For being a reckless fool?"

Jiraiya was taken aback. _What the hell was that for?_

"Why are _you_ angry?" the toad Sage bit back. "You never cared before and you never have! Why do you care now?!"

Tsunade turned her head away from him and back to the scene outside the window.

Jiraiya huffed when she did not say anything. _Of course_. That was how she always was. Always quick to anger while never considering his feelings. He loved the woman but damn, he did not owe her anything. He had already sacrificed so much of himself by clinging on to the stupid hope that she would one day return his affections. He could never love anybody else or even care half as much as he did for her because she had already possessed his heart.

That was fine. He had long accepted it. That was why he didn't care if people thought he was lewd for going after a bunch of attractive women. He still had to live his life out, didn't he? He was already ruined when it came to love. He was content on settling for the next best thing.

However, that was the extent of what he was willing to sacrifice for her. It was already too much of a sacrifice anyway. Despite how he was perceived by most people, he wanted the regular things that many other men did- a wife, children, a home...

But he was also an idealist. He didn't want those things if he couldn't have it with the person he loved the most. What was the point? Accepting a substitute was settling for a life half-lived.

The scrunch that had formed between his brows smoothed when he saw the erratic rise and fall of her shoulders. His heart constricted at her sorrow despite his anger. He rose from the hospital bed carefully and gently pulled her to his body when he reached her.

He rested his cheek on the top of her head as she sobbed and hiccuped on his chest.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere," he whispered after her crying calmed a bit. "I'm not as awesome as Dan or Nawaki so death rejected me."

Tsunade weakly beat her fist against his chest, the sound of her despair morphed into choked laughter. "You're always cracking jokes at the worst times."

He cupped her face between his rough hands and tilted it towards him. Her golden eyes were rimmed with redness and her nose was as pink as her cheeks. She was so beautiful.

"I guess you can't live without me, eh?" Jiraiya teased.

The toad Sage fully expected her to scoff at him just as she always did but she simply continued staring into his dark pools. No rolling of the eyes. No annoyed huff. No irritated twitch of the brows. Jiraiya held his breath.

"I told you I can't lose you too."

Jiraiya had only written about moments like these. Of course, he always had her in his mind when he wrote them but they were always bittersweet, as were all of unfulfilled wishes.

Perhaps he did not make it to the afterlife today. But as his lips met hers and as her hands laced through his hair, _willingly_, he was quite content to say that he did not mind at all.


	2. Life Fully Lived

Blue eyes squinted suspiciously at the little boy that sat on the wooden floor.

The child's golden eyes stared back innocently as he continued to chew on the rubber frog that he had gotten for his birthday.

"Cut it out, Naruto."

The famous jinchuriki gave his pink-haired teammate an exasperated look.

"He's the one who did it! I swear, Sakura-chan!"

The medic-nin simply rolled her eyes. "He's only four years old! How could he have knocked out Tonton?"

"Why are you asking me? Ask him!"

The child's lips quivered upon seeing Naruto's pointed finger and accusatory glare. Sakura quickly moved to pick the little one up and stroked his ashy white hair.

"Shh," Sakura comforted. "Don't listen to the mean, angry boy, Nawaki. He's just upset that he's not as cute as you."

A streak of tears ran down the boy's face but his sobs were quelled by Sakura's gentle embrace and kind voice.

"When's mama and papa coming back?"

"They're gonna be back soon, okay?" Sakure reassured. "Your mama told me she picked up some sweets for you on her way home. Are you excited?"

At the word "sweets", Nawaki perked up and started clapping his tiny hands. It was really a wonder how easily kids could switch from one emotion to another. That was one of the things Sakura loved about them and she couldn't wait until she had her own.

In all honesty, she was quite surprised the day when her shishu had told her that she was expecting. Her shishu definitely looked young but in reality, she was already fifty-six years old when Nawaki was conceived. She certainly did not think that Tsunade-sama would still want to have a child at her age, let alone actually make it possible. But, she supposed being the greatest medic nin alive had its benefits.

"How about we visit Uncle Sasuke? Would you like that, Nawaki?"

"Uncuh Sasuke?"

Before Sakura could respond, the door slammed open and a booming voice resounded in the room.

"Papa!"

Nawaki stretched out his little arms towards the direction of the white-haired Sannin who just made his appearance, his hands opening and closing in the same rythm as his excitement. Sakura shook her head with a smile at the familial affection. Who knew that the infamous pervert could be such a doting dad?

"How's my favorite son? Naruto teaching you some naughty jutsu while Mama and Papa were gone?"

Jiraiya's dark eyes immediately flashed towards the knucklehead ninja.

"Eh?!" Naruto exclaimed defensively. "You're the pervert! What do you mean-

"What is all this commotion about?" Tsunade demanded irritatedly as she entered the room and joined them. Upon seeing her son in her husband's arms, her golden eyes softened immediately.

"Hello my Nawaki," the blonde Sannin cooed. "Did you miss me? Did you miss Mama?"

"Ugh," Naruto gagged in fake disgust. "I'm gonna go train with Sasuke."

Sakura decided to follow her teammate as he left to give the family their privacy. She grabbed the knob to close the door but paused to catch the quiet gaze that the two Sannin shared as she left. It was the same look that Sasuke gave her when he had finally told her the truth of his feelings, the same look that made her heart beat so fast she thought she might go into cardiac arrest...

She closed the door and left with a hum.


End file.
